Carers Story

My story is much like other carers but my job is also a home carer for an agency we care for old or dying mainly bedbound people also people younger with disabilities  the job in itself is very hard mentally and physically but also very rewarding when you’re able to help people who can’t help themselves .

My 30yr old son on the other hand has had a tough life heart surgery from  birth suicide attempt at 18 Aspergers diagnosis 15 behavioural problems mainly with alchohol no job no friends no girlfriend they always go wrong ! Hes intelligent but due to very severe anxiety depression manic episodes OCD he drinks to feel normal but hes not normal when he drinks he cant stop he cant function can’t think is so bitter and twisted about how bad his life is but will not engage with people who could help him ! Help there’s a funny word to him its criticises his every move he already doesnt feel normal ! Whatever that is so being in the mental health system has screwed him up even more. He doesn’t  want to feel anymore of a freak ! With his scars that’s enough but due to his drinking his isolation his loneliness his high anxiety social phobias he now has progressed to bi polar personality disorder or all complex mental health !  But wont take medication his alchohol is his medication its awful terrible heartbreaking you function you work to try to live normal with this darkness over you all the time it never leaves it messes with your head you sometimes question your sanity as it can drive you mad along with them. You go to bed its there in the morning its there !  We talk to people we go to meetings we try to care for ourselves but with work family and life there’s not much time or energy !  You just get through as best you can do what you can and all the time try to keep your head above it all paddling like mad to keep it all ok ! Just ok that’s all we want  but its not so we just hope as that’s all we have really Hope !